Heartbroken

I've been trying to write this post for a while.  I don't even know how to start.  My world was turned upside down on February 16.   Many times, over the past few years, I've had to rush back to my hometown in Northern NY to take care of my Mom.  While it wasn't always convenient or easy to leave my family, I have been here for most of her challenges, surgeries and illnesses.  I was here when my Dad passed away.  I spent a few months with her when she had a ruptured aneurysm.  I spent half a year with her after her stroke.  I helped take care of my Grandparents estate after they passed.  I was with her when her Mom died.  I spent more than half my life tripping around the world with my husband while he served in the military, but more often than not, I was here when she needed me.  I nicknamed her Timex, because she took a lickin' and kept on tickin'.  But her last challenge, I was 500 miles away, and couldn't be by her side as she left this world.  My sister called me and put the  phone up to her ear while I told her I loved her and was on my way.  She couldn't respond and I'm not even sure if she heard me.  It's hard to imagine that the last time I heard her tell me she loved me would be the last time I heard her voice, only two days before she passed.

My Mom was the youngest of four girls, 16 years younger than the next oldest sister.  She was the baby of the family, and a joy to her mother who lost her husband in a mining accident when my Mom was only 12.  She was the daughter of a coal miner, and a dressmaker.  

She worked as a maternity nurse for 25 years, going back to school after she was married with two children.  I admired her for that because I know how hard she worked.  
She was present at all the Grandchildren's births, even Ben who was born in Arizona.  She dropped what she was doing in NY and drove with my Dad out to Arizona to help deliver him when he was born a month earlier than planned.  She was esteemed by nurses and doctors alike for her knowledge and sensitivity to her patients.  She was a seamstress, a knitter, a crocheter,  a quilter, and a needle worker.  She was amazing at whatever she touched, and found great joy in working with her hands.  We did a lot of sewing together.  We made all the dresses for my sister's and my weddings.  She made many prom dresses, and even made my best friend's wedding dress.  My greatest treasure is a quilt she made for me.  We worked on it together, she did the sewing, I did the ironing, which is how we did things when we were working together. 

She and my Dad were married almost 51 years.  While they griped about each other, they loved one another and Dad was always doing such sweet things for her.  She had wanted a swing for the back yard, and on the way home from a hospital stay, he stopped to order a swing for her and it was home in time for her to swing in the sunshine when she got home.  

As I've been going through her house, working to settle her estate, I've found many treasures that she made.  Here are a couple of crewel pieces she had finished.  

I've also found some of my earlier pieces that she set aside.   

As I wander around this house at night, it feels so empty without her.  It's still hard to believe she is gone.  I'm going to miss her so much and even now I reach for the phone hoping to tell her about one thing or another that is going on.  I can't wish her back as her last few years in this world were not the most pleasant, so all I can do is wish her peace and rest on the other side, while I wait to see her again.  Rest in peace, Mom, I love you always.....