"And whoever shall not receive you, nor hear your words, when you depart out of that house or city, shake off the dust of your feet."
It's been one of those years, you know the kind, right? When you walk around in a fog of hurt and sadness? I miss Katie. If I hear the words, "But they weren't even married." one more time I think I'll scream. She was a big part of our lives for over 2 years and I loved her like my own kid. Please don't tell me I'm not supposed to miss her or grieve for her. She may not have been my daughter-in-law, but she was my daughter-in-heart. I miss my Mom (she's not gone physically, but mentally she's not my Mom anymore...dementia is tough to watch and I feel the loss of someone who would listen and encourage without judgement.) I watched my son go from a happy-go-lucky kid to a mature man who experienced tremendous horror that no one (let alone someone so young) should go through. I'll be honest and say I sheltered myself for a while just to deal with all that happened when Katie died. I won't discuss the heartache and fallout that happened back then. I won't apologize for sheltering myself either.
I will say a heartfelt thank you to those who were there for me, my online friends who sent gifts and words of encouragement. Sadly, people living hundreds, if not thousands, of miles away were the ones who encouraged me the most. I'm humbled and grateful for your kindness.
I've had people who I thought were "friends" suddenly unfriend me on Facebook, stop talking to me, avoid me at all costs, and try to alienate other friends in the process. I honestly don't even know what I did. I've tried talking to them but they won't even communicate with me at all!! Honestly, I find it cruel and immature. Who needs friends like that, right? So, I'm turning over a new leaf in 2019. I saw this on Facebook, and while I'm using my own photo, I'm stealing their words because this is going to be my new motto. And I'm using a Bible verse (that keeps popping up here and there) to encourage my resolve. I'm shaking off the dust. This doesn't mean I'm turning my back, it means I'm no longer going to let it get to me. I'm not going to change who I am. I don't know if I will ever trust them again, but I'm not going to forget our past and the treasured memories I have. If I've hurt anyone in any way, please accept my apology, I NEVER intentionally try to hurt anyone!
Please don't take this as me having a pity party. I'm really not! Nor am I looking for sympathy. I honestly don't need it. This is just me, writing my new resolve for next year.
Here's to a Happy New Year, one full of unexpected blessings, renewed strength, and better memories.
8 comments:
Amen! Good for you DJ. God bless you. May 2019 be a year of blessings for you and your family.
People make me so sad. They are too fast to judge. Too fast to blame. Too fast to cut you off with no good reason. It's a struggle to find out who is real and who is fake. Don't let anyone tell you how to be. You know who you are. Thanks for sharing this saying. Perfect.
Wishing many blessings to you in 2019! I love the words of your motto. Thinking of you!
Writing out your resolve strengthens it! Here's to a shinier 2019 for you and yours. ❤
Love and blessings to you DJ, I hope 2019 is a year filled with happy times for both yourself and your family.
I agree with everything you've said. I also miss my mom. Since June, she has had 2 strokes and a heart attack. I am grateful that she is still physically here (in long term care) but I sure do miss her!!
Hugs!
Terri
Good on you, DJ. Keep your head up high and move forward. So sorry to hear of the passing of your "daughter-in-heart". How devastating for you all - so sorry that I have not been in blogland that much this year, so that I missed this news and could not add my support to those of others from thousands of miles away who know and love you. xxxx Kaye
I hope you find 2019 is better than 2018. It's hard to be positive at times but you come across as a strong person.
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