I'm sorry if you are tired of hearing about my issues. I can't help writing about them though. I hope it's not too distressing to you, and if so I'll stop writing. I'm finding it so helpful though...so here goes...
Yesterday was the first time I'd met with a doctor to actually discuss options and hear the whole story. It's amazing the thoughts that go through your head. When DH first found out about the cancer, he was distraught. I was a little, but I quickly got over it, because me, being me, keep seeing the funny side of things. I think the people I've run into during this ordeal have thought me a bit odd, and that's ok. It's my defense mechanism and it works for me! LOL So I told DH, if he was serious about helping me, I NEED to laugh. So between him and DS, I've been in stitches. I'm beginning to appreciate and really love my guys more and more each day!
There is something totally degrading about cancer. It's ugly, destructive, invasive and just plain ornery. Because of the area, and the fact that I've agreed to participate in some research studies, they need pictures. Ok, I felt a little like a porno star, and the poses I had to strike so they could get just the right lighting and view is a little disconcerting. I was wearing a pink cape (everyone wears pink at the breast cancer center, I'm beginning to HATE pink...LOL) and the first words out of her mouth were, "OK, flip the cape back over your shoulders". So here I am, hands on hips, cape flung back over my shoulders without another stitch on above the waist posing for pictures. All I needed was the wind blowing in my face, enough to have the cape flapping in the wind to feel a little like Wonder Woman without the tight suit. I feel able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, stop speeding bullets with my teeth, out-race speeding locomotives, and give birth to a 20 pound bowling ball without pain medications! (I am WOMAN, hear me roar!) LOL
Next I'm ushered into the consult room where we discuss what options are open to me. Including plastic surgery, reduction, getting rid of that extra roll of breast tissue up under my arm pits (hearing the Dr. say "You'll be able to wear tank tops without fear again!") And I think you'll look really great because we'll nip, tuck and uplift better than an 18 hour bra! Hm...when can you get started? Can't wait to look 20 again!! Can you fix the flapping wings under my arms, the turkey waddle I have flapping under my chin, the sagging tush and shave about 50 pounds off while you're at it too? LOL COUNT ME IN!!
Then I get a book, and I mean a ten pound book, filled with calendars, business cards, information about types of cancers, a dictionary of cancer terms and various and sundry information about procedures, types of radiation and chemotherapy and different types of doctors I'll be seeing (no kidding, they call themselves a team) I'm going to need a play book of names, numbers, and maps to different clinics to navigate my way through this (not to mention a month to read through all this!!). I even have a person assigned to me called a Nurse Navigator who will set up appointments with the different doctors and see that I have the right documentation to get the referrals I need along with sending reports to the different doctors. It's like having a star chart to the universe in one compact ten pound book! LOL And just as confusing!
When I finally have the chance to talk to my son about all that is going on he is full of questions. In order to relieve his fears we've decided to tell him everything. I'll be as honest as I can. So as we finally got around to discussing plastic surgeons, he gets this quizzical look on his face. "Mom? Do they use hard or soft plastic?" And the most absolute funny thing about that is that he was totally serious because he didn't know what plastic surgery was!?! DH and I have been talking about the molds they use to pour the hard plastic to shape new bionic tatas LOL
It's hard for me to imagine that I only found out about the diagnosis two days ago, and already I've met my surgeon, and nurse navigator, talked to the medical oncologist and talked to the research coordinator and will have an appointment with the radiology oncologist on Monday. In less than a week, I'll have met just about everyone on my "team". WOW! I've been trying to schedule a day to work, but I literally haven't had time!! Nor have I had any sleep and just the thought of trying to work in a day to get something done at the store seems impossible at this point. I think I need a nap! But whenever I have a seat to think about de-stressing, the phone rings. I'm getting ready to unplug, turn-off and possibly crush any telephone within earshot!
But I can't thank my friends enough. When I got home from quite possibly the hardest day I'll have to face before surgery, there was a bouquet of flowers waiting for me. It's beautiful, thank you Sonya and Alice, you guys are so wonderful!! Then in the mail today, a handmade card from Alice. I'm blessed to have friends like you. And I know you've been praying for me too, thank you so much! I love you guys!
5 years ago