Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Small update...

Hi Everyone!

Just a little update. I know I haven't written much lately, life keeps getting in the way. Where do I begin?

First off, I've been doing a little training at the store. The boss hired someone to work full time while I'm convalescing. She's a wonderful girl, and a great framer, she was in the right place at the right time and I think the bosses shop will really benefit from her expertise! (I hope I still have a job when all is said and done, because I think she's REALLY much better at my job than I am!)

I still don't have a surgery date yet, as it has taken me this long to see all the doctors, listen to all the pros and cons and choose the type of treatment I want. I haven't made the final decision yet, I have another doctor's appointment on Wednesday. Hopefully by then I'll know what I want to do and then he can get together with the breast surgeon and pick a date. This has been an incredible journey and I've really had to think long and hard about what is truly important in my life. I know the Lord allows obstacles in our lives for a reason. I really wish this one weren't so BIG, but hopefully the benefits will weigh the same as the heartache! LOL The first visit with the breast surgeon was so upbeat and positive, I really thought it was going to be so easy. I would have been much easier if I didn't have choices. But as one doctor put it, I have to decide what will make me happy in the end, and that is such a tough chore. DH has told me to take him out of the equation, but for a people pleaser such as myself, that is very difficult. It almost seems selfish. And the hardest thing to wrap my brain around, is losing a part of myself (and I realized I've been going through a grieving process), a part that identifies myself as a woman. It's almost like losing a limb to me. Weird eh? But, it's either that or perhaps suffering down the line with other health issues or even losing my life. I choose life, and life "worry free" and as healthy as I can make it. Hopefully my family and friends agree. The only downside that I will have trouble dealing with, is the possible loss of strength in my arms. This could be a career ending move. And I truly love framing. But where the Lord closes a door, He opens a window. So I say....BRING IT ON! It's never too late to teach an OLD dog new tricks. LOL

When the surgery date is planned, I'll post it, and then it may be a while before you hear from me again. In the meanwhile, I have a stitcher's retreat this weekend. I can't wait to get away with my pals and stich and laugh and eat and laugh and laugh some more. After the past month, I need this more than words can express. So...take good care of yourselves! If my camera shy friends cooperate, I'll have some pictures to post when I get back. *Hugs*

Friday, April 16, 2010

UFO stitching

Hi everyone!

I'm feeling a little hm...not really proud of myself, but pleased I guess. For the first time in a while I actually remembered that Thursday was UFO day and got some stitching done on an old SAL. This one was offered by Alice and Company and some OLD pictures can be seen here (if you scroll REALLY far down on the web page) of her previous SAL. Just click on the link: http://squarenews.blogs.com/linsanslautre/stitch-a-long-with-me/ . I love her new one, but haven't purchased it yet, though I have to tell you I'm sorely tempted! So... here are some before and after pictures.

I didn't get much done, I had a lot of interruptions yesterday and too much on my mind to really focus, but I THINK I did enough to ward off the wet noodle! *Looking pleadingly in Allison Joy's direction* I was supposed to work but had had a rough day the day before and just couldn't bring myself to go in. I got up, got showered and dressed, and just didn't go in. Sorry, Ken...and the others who had to cover for me, I just couldn't get my act together.

Monday, April 12, 2010

A New Start

Well, many of you probably know about the contest being offered on the Weihenburg yahoo group (not sure if I spelled that right) by now so just thought I'd show you what I've been up to. I got this fabric and floss about a week ago and couldn't decide which one to try, so I bought them both and got started on one. We'll see how it goes and see if this is the way I want to proceed.

I started the contest piece on Vintage Maritime White (by Lakeside Linens) 28 count over one using Gloriana silk May Flower. Here's a picture of my VERY SLOW START. It's been crazy busy at my house (as you can imagine) so I haven't had much time to stitch.

I also bought this Butter Cream 32 count which I will stitch over one using Wildflowers Cherry. I've always loved those colors in cherry and can't wait to see how that will look too. Not sure if I'll even finish one of them before the end of the contest but I can dream can't I?

It was a busy week last week, with MRIs and the Orioles Opening day (they lost, it was such a disappointment) a breast cancer support group meeting and a night out with Sonya (too much fun!!) amongst other things. Seems never ending lately and without sleep I'm getting very tired. Just a little update...will wait for results from the MRI then will see the plastic surgeon on Wed. He'll get back with the general surgeon and pick a date for surgery (waiting on insurance approval as well). My boss wants it over and done with so I can get back to work as quickly as possible (and so he and his family can go to Disney World this summer as planned). Me? I want to go to the stitcher's weekend in St. Michaels first...it's only two weeks away now!! Can't wait! Ironically when I told my boss of the impending surgery he whipped out his calendar and told me the dates he and his family had scheduled to go to Florida this summer so I could schedule my life around his vacation. *rolling eyes heavenward* There are days I can honestly say I wonder if the man has a soul...

Can't think of anything funny these days, so will leave this post as it is and hopefully when I'm rested, the old humor will return. Till then here's wishing you better days, good health and happiness. *Hugs*

Friday, April 2, 2010

Out of the mouths of babes

I'm sorry if you are tired of hearing about my issues. I can't help writing about them though. I hope it's not too distressing to you, and if so I'll stop writing. I'm finding it so helpful though...so here goes...

Yesterday was the first time I'd met with a doctor to actually discuss options and hear the whole story. It's amazing the thoughts that go through your head. When DH first found out about the cancer, he was distraught. I was a little, but I quickly got over it, because me, being me, keep seeing the funny side of things. I think the people I've run into during this ordeal have thought me a bit odd, and that's ok. It's my defense mechanism and it works for me! LOL So I told DH, if he was serious about helping me, I NEED to laugh. So between him and DS, I've been in stitches. I'm beginning to appreciate and really love my guys more and more each day!

There is something totally degrading about cancer. It's ugly, destructive, invasive and just plain ornery. Because of the area, and the fact that I've agreed to participate in some research studies, they need pictures. Ok, I felt a little like a porno star, and the poses I had to strike so they could get just the right lighting and view is a little disconcerting. I was wearing a pink cape (everyone wears pink at the breast cancer center, I'm beginning to HATE pink...LOL) and the first words out of her mouth were, "OK, flip the cape back over your shoulders". So here I am, hands on hips, cape flung back over my shoulders without another stitch on above the waist posing for pictures. All I needed was the wind blowing in my face, enough to have the cape flapping in the wind to feel a little like Wonder Woman without the tight suit. I feel able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, stop speeding bullets with my teeth, out-race speeding locomotives, and give birth to a 20 pound bowling ball without pain medications!
(I am WOMAN, hear me roar!) LOL

Next I'm ushered into the consult room where we discuss what options are open to me. Including plastic surgery, reduction, getting rid of that extra roll of breast tissue up under my arm pits (hearing the Dr. say "You'll be able to wear tank tops without fear again!") And I think you'll look really great because we'll nip, tuck and uplift better than an 18 hour bra! Hm...when can you get started? Can't wait to look 20 again!! Can you fix the flapping wings under my arms, the turkey waddle I have flapping under my chin, the sagging tush and shave about 50 pounds off while you're at it too? LOL COUNT ME IN!!

Then I get a book, and I mean a ten pound book, filled with calendars, business cards, information about types of cancers, a dictionary of cancer terms and various and sundry information about procedures, types of radiation and chemotherapy and different types of doctors I'll be seeing (no kidding, they call themselves a team) I'm going to need a play book of names, numbers, and maps to different clinics to navigate my way through this (not to mention a month to read through all this!!). I even have a person assigned to me called a Nurse Navigator who will set up appointments with the different doctors and see that I have the right documentation to get the referrals I need along with sending reports to the different doctors. It's like having a star chart to the universe in one compact ten pound book! LOL And just as confusing!

When I finally have the chance to talk to my son about all that is going on he is full of questions. In order to relieve his fears we've decided to tell him everything. I'll be as honest as I can. So as we finally got around to discussing plastic surgeons, he gets this quizzical look on his face. "Mom? Do they use hard or soft plastic?" And the most absolute funny thing about that is that he was totally serious because he didn't know what plastic surgery was!?! DH and I have been talking about the molds they use to pour the hard plastic to shape new bionic tatas LOL

It's hard for me to imagine that I only found out about the diagnosis two days ago, and already I've met my surgeon, and nurse navigator, talked to the medical oncologist and talked to the research coordinator and will have an appointment with the radiology oncologist on Monday. In less than a week, I'll have met just about everyone on my "team". WOW! I've been trying to schedule a day to work, but I literally haven't had time!! Nor have I had any sleep and just the thought of trying to work in a day to get something done at the store seems impossible at this point. I think I need a nap! But whenever I have a seat to think about de-stressing, the phone rings. I'm getting ready to unplug, turn-off and possibly crush any telephone within earshot!

But I can't thank my friends enough. When I got home from quite possibly the hardest day I'll have to face before surgery, there was a bouquet of flowers waiting for me. It's beautiful, thank you Sonya and Alice, you guys are so wonderful!! Then in the mail today, a handmade card from Alice. I'm blessed to have friends like you. And I know you've been praying for me too, thank you so much! I love you guys!