Friday, March 5, 2010

Sleepless night...

I guess I should give you fair warning...this is going to be a tough post. It's not my usual...and it's pretty heavy, so stop reading now if you're not in the mood to read some deep philosophical thoughts...LOL (Like I ever REALLY think deep philosophical thoughts) LOL

I debated on whether or not to write this post. But I guess I want to document my feelings on things and I find writing very cathartic. So...here goes...

If you've been a follower for a while you know I've been having some health issues and though I was seeing doctors, I didn't "follow through" on a lot of their "recommendations". I was given referrals and they were in a neat stack (ok maybe not so neat LOL) on my dining room table. They were "tabled" because there was always something "more important" to deal with. I had things to do for DS, DH wanted to attend this or that, I have that wedding coming up, etc. Finally things were really spinning out of control (and I do mean spinning...dizziness and weight loss and exhaustion) so I decided to take all those referrals and make those appointments, it was time to put ME first. So...this was my week of appointments. I've been getting up early, going to bed late, trying to fit appointments in between working and "living" and today everything came to a grinding halt with one phone call. Those dreaded words "We found something and we need you to come back for a diagnostic, we'd rather you didn't wait another week." wow Just like that my world changed. It's like a car accident, when time seems to stand still. And now begins the waiting game. I go back for the diagnostic early Monday morning. I don't know if they'll be able to tell me anything that day or not. Probably not, so another waiting game. And then I'm sure there will be more tests. In my head I'm hearing .... ah there's nothing wrong, they are just being thorough. But...you know, haven't you heard people say, I knew something wasn't quite right? Listen to your body...yada yada yada. So I'm just going to flat out say it... I'm scared. But, I will have to stay strong for those who depend on me, my Mom, my husband, my son and my friends. So tonight I'm not sleeping and I'm going to be wimpy, but tomorrow (or I guess later today) I'll put on my best, "everything's going to be fine" face and get on with the game. If you are the type that Believes, will you please pray for me? Thanks.

In a very strange way, I feel "stronger" so thanks for "listening". Hug your family a little tighter today, because you never know what's right around the corner.

*Hugs*

13 comments:

Gillie said...

Hugs, prayers and more hugs, wish I were closer. Left you a VM xxxx

Pete's Pixie said...

Thinking about you DJ and keeping you close in my heart; keep us posted and stay strong as you can be ~ we are all here for you honey. (((Big Hugs))) Ally xxx

Bizee Fingers said...

Wow sweetie, that is a lot to shoulder. I'm a big believer in the power of prayer and positive thoughts, both are being sent your way. Hang tough not all tests have unfavorable results...glad your doc's are being very thourough...(((hugs))) ~Karen

Val said...

Just wanted to send you some big hugs and hope everything goes OK for you.... we are all here thinking of you and sending you good wishes .... Val x

Babs said...

Dear DJ, will be praying for you throughout your situation. Fear of the unknown can cripple us sometime worse than the knowing. I pray for you courage, strength and peace of mind while you go through the tests and wait.
Be still and know....
hugs,
babs

Tracey said...

(((((HUGS)))) DJ- will be praying for you.. please keep us posted.

Terry N said...

Big Hugs DJ,you are in my thoughts and prayers.And wishing you the best. Terry N

Mouse said...

hi DJ ((((HUGS))))) being sent your way :) am in the process of getting a letter started to you so hopefully will cheer you abit? Keep calm and positive they are now doing something to help you ok, keep all the appointments now :)love mouse xxxx

Amy said...

Love and hugs to you. I will be praying for you.

It is best to know and do something about it.

Love ya

karen.eidukas@ntlworld.com said...

DJ, much love and big hugs to you, I have everything crossed that this will be a positive thing, that they will find whats wrong and sort it out for you. Try to sleep and stay calm, I know it will not be easy, but try. We are all sending very best wishes and love and hope to you.
Karen
xxxxx

nutmegg said...

Dear DJ,I'm holding you close to me heart and only thinking good thoughts for you, and sending good vibes from the land of Oz....xoxoxoxoxo

sonya said...

Deb, please don't worry. Be anxious for nothing. But by prayer and petition make your requests known to God...and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will keep your heart and mind in Christ Jesus. He will meet your every need. I am here for you, too...right now...anytime. I wish I had picked up on your concern earlier today and been more helpful to you. Remember, diagnostics can be anything or nothing. Am praying for you. Love you.

Mylene said...

Just read this post, very late...but still would like to say ..i'm thinking of you and praying for the best.