I guess I should give you fair warning...this is going to be a tough post. It's not my usual...and it's pretty heavy, so stop reading now if you're not in the mood to read some deep philosophical thoughts...LOL (Like I ever REALLY think deep philosophical thoughts) LOL
I debated on whether or not to write this post. But I guess I want to document my feelings on things and I find writing very cathartic. So...here goes...
If you've been a follower for a while you know I've been having some health issues and though I was seeing doctors, I didn't "follow through" on a lot of their "recommendations". I was given referrals and they were in a neat stack (ok maybe not so neat LOL) on my dining room table. They were "tabled" because there was always something "more important" to deal with. I had things to do for DS, DH wanted to attend this or that, I have that wedding coming up, etc. Finally things were really spinning out of control (and I do mean spinning...dizziness and weight loss and exhaustion) so I decided to take all those referrals and make those appointments, it was time to put ME first. So...this was my week of appointments. I've been getting up early, going to bed late, trying to fit appointments in between working and "living" and today everything came to a grinding halt with one phone call. Those dreaded words "We found something and we need you to come back for a diagnostic, we'd rather you didn't wait another week." wow Just like that my world changed. It's like a car accident, when time seems to stand still. And now begins the waiting game. I go back for the diagnostic early Monday morning. I don't know if they'll be able to tell me anything that day or not. Probably not, so another waiting game. And then I'm sure there will be more tests. In my head I'm hearing .... ah there's nothing wrong, they are just being thorough. But...you know, haven't you heard people say, I knew something wasn't quite right? Listen to your body...yada yada yada. So I'm just going to flat out say it... I'm scared. But, I will have to stay strong for those who depend on me, my Mom, my husband, my son and my friends. So tonight I'm not sleeping and I'm going to be wimpy, but tomorrow (or I guess later today) I'll put on my best, "everything's going to be fine" face and get on with the game. If you are the type that Believes, will you please pray for me? Thanks.
In a very strange way, I feel "stronger" so thanks for "listening". Hug your family a little tighter today, because you never know what's right around the corner.
5 years ago